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The Underdog III: Exit Pt. IV (A Self Fulfilling Prophecy)

from Dear Lemon House, You Ruined Me: Senior Year by Kaonashi

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lyrics

Karate in the driveway. Pizza rolls in the microwave. Mr. Brightside on karaoke. I remember everything that you showed me, like how to tie my shoes and DDR in the living room and how to fight against all the bullies who’d follow me home and always tried to push me.

You told me never throw the first punch, but make sure you throw the last. And if it wasn’t for you, I would be somebody new, just another kid in the class.

It’s been so hard without you here with me. Send me a sign if this is a mistake.

I need your guidance but you’re dead and there’s no way that I can bring you back.

Two rifles in my bag ready to go. Two hands reaching out for anybody to hold.

Hold your fire, it’s not what it seems, listen to me. All I ever wanted was to be left alone. All I ever wanted was my big brother back.

When he died, the family cried, then wiped their eyes and pretended that everything was fine. I’m dying inside.

My bleeding heart is beating hard from being beaten hard. Belts and cords and all the battle scars from civil war made me who we are.

So hats off to the new year. You’re graduating from hell to heaven on Earth in a casket the shape of a bleacher next to the teachers. I hope you’re ready to die. The only thing I can do is cry. And I’m so scared, I don’t wanna die but it’s hard to go on this way. It’ll be okay.

So here we are; Lemon House. Home of the Cadets. Home of every person that I hate. No looking back now, it’s graduation day. Time to make them pay.

auditorium doors in front of me, one chance for redemption, for retribution

I can’t do this but I have to do this.

Now I’m walking to the parking lot. My legs are weak and my head is spinning.
My conscious heavy, reality’s hitting. Why can’t I go through with anything?
Throwing up behind a red Camry, I’ll never get to see my Uncle Danny.
He would be so disappointed in me and what would my mom think? She would be so heartbroken.

Years of planning and years of pain will not be in vain cause you wanna remain poem pathetic for the rest of your life, just commit to suicide.

I walk back in, now security is coming. My one final chance to actually be something. Every one of you put me in this position and it wouldn’t have happened if somebody would have listened.

credits

from Dear Lemon House, You Ruined Me: Senior Year, released May 21, 2021

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