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The 3 Faces Of Beauty: A Violent Misinterpretation of Morgan Montgomery

by Kaonashi

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1.
So I cross the street School just let out it’s busy So I cross the street There’s too many fucking people So I cross the street I don’t want to be in the way So I cross the street There’s less people over there So I cross the street I’m always taking up so much space So I cross the street The light just turned red So I cross the street The light just turned green The light just turned green Niggas is on the corner I can’t cross the street Don’t like how they’re looking at me I can’t cross the street What a fucked up way to think I shouldn’t cross the street I shouldn’t make eye contact I’m gonna cross the street They’re starting to follow me Should I cross the street? They’re starting to laugh at me Should I cross the street You’re making it obvious Don’t cross the street They’re asking me for the time Don’t pull out your phone I get knocked to the ground I should have crossed the street New Balance and bubble jackets Hands and feet I see Jamie riding with Jackie They don’t stop for me I’m laying on 11th and Ridge I need to cross the street White lady walking alone at night She crosses the street She’s gripping her purse real tight I have to cross the street Now she thinks that I’m following her I have nowhere to go I’m scared of everyone And everyone is scared of me No matter which way I go it’s a one way street I still haven’t found peace
2.
We Got One 03:36
Grape Day’s soda Chumpies and butter crunch $1 in quarters $1 left over from lunch Cracking jokes and smokes waiting for the 61 We talk shit and spit until the bus comes I spill purple all over my shirt, friends sit back they laugh I laugh until it hurts because there’s something deeply wrong Rudebwoy with the beautiful face, doesn’t know she’s just another classic basket case of peer pressure on expert but there’s something deeply wrong, I’m going along just to get along If my friends jumped off a bridge, I’d already be at the bottom, jumping the gun, we jumped that kid cause he crossed the street when we spotted em, got em Fight back Chuck Taylors scrape the Earth as we run down spring garden, split the green to buy games and leaf, it’s more than when we started Hurt people hurt people, and I’m hurting every day I never wanted to be this way, I don’t know what to say I wish I had your sister, to show me right from wrong I wish I had your sister, to pick me up from school, to play his PS2, to let me hold his gun, to order me General Tso’s, to keep me away from this dumb shit, so I can stop doing dumb shit, cause I know I won’t ever be shit, I know my life doesn’t mean shit, that’s why I don’t give a shit Why did y’all stop for me? You saw me laying in the street So its fuck Jamie By the way, your Diamond isn’t as flawless as you think. I know how to trigger you, and make your relationship sink. I hope Jackie dies I hope your Casey dies And I hope no one cries And they never find the bodies
3.
Like father, like son. Same face, same blood. Same car, same house. The difference: my mouth. Montgomery, 6 foot male teen, white tee, sagging jeans, big black angry nigga. Shut the fuck up. You never fucking listen. Always in the bathroom, always in the kitchen. Always looking down on me, always talking down on me. Stop! Trauma it runs through the family. Yelling. Swinging. Punching. Drinking. Smoking. Yelling and swinging and punching and drinking and snorting and smoking. Kissing. Fucking. Crying. Lying. Always trying. Its too much, every day, it’s too much. Big, strong, football! Big, strong, basketball! Pick one. Pick one. Just pick one. Oh my god, look at what you did to me. Oh my god, I hate the sound of car keys. Shut the fuck up. You never fucking listen. Always in the bathroom, always in the kitchen. Always looking down on me, always talking down on me, always putting your hands on me, I wish you would fucking quit. I don’t believe in Jesus cause he wasn’t there for me. I don’t believe in my dad for the same exact reason. Every man in my life commits some sort of treason. And then put the blame on me, as if I’m the reason why. Father figuratively you hung me from the family tree because fruits of my labor fell too far. And another thing, at least Jamie had Jackie, at least you had a big brother to show you right from wrong, I was given a broken compass and a torn map.
4.
Sarah scraped her knee running up the street So we went inside the house Alcohol burns, you live and learn But some things she don’t need to find out I feel my back against the wall I feel like Atlas shrugging at the weigh of it all Cause what can I do? Sell drugs or rap, pick one of the two Pick one I need advice, I need a guide, the Counselor sighed, so did I, I can’t describe, how he makes me feel, like why did I show my face in the first place There’s nothing in the world that is stronger than black fear. My whole personality’s destroyed by Black fear. Mix that with the fear of failing junior year plus the sound of my mom straight up crying in my ear cause the worst thing her Black son could do is be weird. Or queer This is why I show my second face Just like Sarah and the Scraped Knee. She doesn’t need to feel how I felt at 17 She doesn’t need to see how I scraped these To be the mascot for diversity at Temple University. There will always be a black and white barrier between you and me. I’m still scraping my knees. The first face: is easy, the one that you see The second face: is just a lie for my family The third face: my true self, I keep in on the bottom shelf. It’s completely broken from stereotypes and everything I’ve felt
5.
The guilt, the fear, the shame. No one should feel this way for being in love. My guilt, my fear, my shame. It won’t go away. I don’t want to be in love. You’re such a drama king, you're such a trauma queen and its the kind of thing where it just won’t come out. Clear browser history, its no big mystery, its just the kind of thing where you just need to come out. I turn my fear into hatred. Red, blistering and its about to come out. I’m about to come out. I did not come out that closet. Tresspassed and displayed, the door was pried open. I’m here in dismay. Guilt. My guilt. My guilt and. My shame. My guilt and my shame. My guilt. My guilt and. My guilt and my shame and my shame. My guilt. My guilt and. My shame. My guilt and my shame. My guilt. My guilt and. My guilt. My guilt and my shame. My guilt. My guilt and. My guilt. My guilt and my shame. I feel like I’m Cliché Guevara fighting a civil cold war and my firearm is like a firework and it’s so entertaining for just everyone to watch me take myself down in this colorful, ridiculous, immature way. Do you know what it’s like to come out to black parents? Do you know what its like for your life to be everyone else’s problem? Is there something we should know? Is there sugar in your tank? Put some bass in your voice and stand up straight. Yes, I’m gay. Morgan is a girl’s name anyway. My guilt, my fear, my shame. Take it all away. I don’t care if you’re straight, just let me be me And lately I’ve been feeling like an underdog barking up the wrong tree. Feeling empty, a self-fulfilling prophecy. Put my feeling aside and I’ve been lost for a while now.

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released January 26, 2024

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