1. |
Humiliation Ritual
02:59
|
|||
So I cross the street
School just let out it’s busy
So I cross the street
There’s too many fucking people
So I cross the street
I don’t want to be in the way
So I cross the street
There’s less people over there
So I cross the street
I’m always taking up so much space
So I cross the street
The light just turned red
So I cross the street
The light just turned green
The light just turned green
Niggas is on the corner
I can’t cross the street
Don’t like how they’re looking at me
I can’t cross the street
What a fucked up way to think
I shouldn’t cross the street
I shouldn’t make eye contact
I’m gonna cross the street
They’re starting to follow me
Should I cross the street?
They’re starting to laugh at me
Should I cross the street
You’re making it obvious
Don’t cross the street
They’re asking me for the time
Don’t pull out your phone
I get knocked to the ground
I should have crossed the street
New Balance and bubble jackets
Hands and feet
I see Jamie riding with Jackie
They don’t stop for me
I’m laying on 11th and Ridge
I need to cross the street
White lady walking alone at night
She crosses the street
She’s gripping her purse real tight
I have to cross the street
Now she thinks that I’m following her
I have nowhere to go
I’m scared of everyone
And everyone is scared of me
No matter which way I go it’s a one way street
I still haven’t found peace
|
||||
2. |
We Got One
03:36
|
|||
Grape Day’s soda
Chumpies and butter crunch
$1 in quarters
$1 left over from lunch
Cracking jokes and smokes waiting for the 61
We talk shit and spit until the bus comes
I spill purple all over my shirt, friends sit back they laugh I laugh until it hurts because there’s something deeply wrong
Rudebwoy with the beautiful face, doesn’t know she’s just another classic basket case of peer pressure on expert
but there’s something deeply wrong, I’m going along just to get along
If my friends jumped off a bridge, I’d already be at the bottom, jumping the gun, we jumped that kid cause he crossed the street when we spotted em, got em
Fight back
Chuck Taylors scrape the Earth as we run down spring garden, split the green to buy games and leaf, it’s more than when we started
Hurt people hurt people, and I’m hurting every day
I never wanted to be this way, I don’t know what to say
I wish I had your sister, to show me right from wrong
I wish I had your sister, to pick me up from school, to play his PS2, to let me hold his gun, to order me General Tso’s, to keep me away from this dumb shit, so I can stop doing dumb shit, cause I know I won’t ever be shit, I know my life doesn’t mean shit, that’s why I don’t give a shit
Why did y’all stop for me?
You saw me laying in the street
So its fuck Jamie
By the way, your Diamond isn’t as flawless as you think. I know how to trigger you, and make your relationship sink.
I hope Jackie dies
I hope your Casey dies
And I hope no one cries
And they never find the bodies
|
||||
3. |
||||
Like father, like son.
Same face, same blood.
Same car, same house.
The difference: my mouth.
Montgomery, 6 foot male teen, white tee, sagging jeans, big black angry nigga.
Shut the fuck up.
You never fucking listen.
Always in the bathroom, always in the kitchen.
Always looking down on me, always talking down on me.
Stop!
Trauma it runs through the family.
Yelling.
Swinging.
Punching.
Drinking.
Smoking.
Yelling and swinging and punching and drinking and snorting and smoking.
Kissing.
Fucking.
Crying.
Lying.
Always trying.
Its too much, every day, it’s too much.
Big, strong, football!
Big, strong, basketball!
Pick one.
Pick one.
Just pick one.
Oh my god, look at what you did to me.
Oh my god, I hate the sound of car keys.
Shut the fuck up.
You never fucking listen.
Always in the bathroom, always in the kitchen.
Always looking down on me, always talking down on me, always putting your hands on me, I wish you would fucking quit.
I don’t believe in Jesus cause he wasn’t there for me.
I don’t believe in my dad for the same exact reason.
Every man in my life commits some sort of treason.
And then put the blame on me, as if I’m the reason why.
Father figuratively you hung me from the family tree because fruits of my labor fell too far.
And another thing, at least Jamie had Jackie, at least you had a big brother to show you right from wrong, I was given a broken compass and a torn map.
|
||||
4. |
Sarah & The Scraped Knee
03:34
|
|||
Sarah scraped her knee running up the street
So we went inside the house
Alcohol burns, you live and learn
But some things she don’t need to find out
I feel my back against the wall
I feel like Atlas shrugging at the weigh of it all
Cause what can I do?
Sell drugs or rap, pick one of the two
Pick one
I need advice, I need a guide, the Counselor sighed, so did I, I can’t describe, how he makes me feel, like why did I show my face in the first place
There’s nothing in the world that is stronger than black fear. My whole personality’s destroyed by Black fear. Mix that with the fear of failing junior year plus the sound of my mom straight up crying in my ear cause the worst thing her Black son could do is be weird. Or queer
This is why I show my second face
Just like Sarah and the Scraped Knee. She doesn’t need to feel how I felt at 17
She doesn’t need to see how I scraped these
To be the mascot for diversity at Temple University. There will always be a black and white barrier between you and me.
I’m still scraping my knees.
The first face: is easy, the one that you see
The second face: is just a lie for my family
The third face: my true self, I keep in on the bottom shelf. It’s completely broken from stereotypes and everything I’ve felt
|
||||
5. |
||||
The guilt, the fear, the shame.
No one should feel this way for being in love.
My guilt, my fear, my shame.
It won’t go away.
I don’t want to be in love.
You’re such a drama king, you're such a trauma queen and its the kind of thing where it just won’t come out.
Clear browser history, its no big mystery, its just the kind of thing where you just need to come out.
I turn my fear into hatred.
Red, blistering and its about to come out.
I’m about to come out.
I did not come out that closet.
Tresspassed and displayed, the door was pried open.
I’m here in dismay.
Guilt.
My guilt.
My guilt and.
My shame.
My guilt and my shame.
My guilt.
My guilt and.
My guilt and my shame and my shame.
My guilt.
My guilt and.
My shame.
My guilt and my shame.
My guilt.
My guilt and.
My guilt.
My guilt and my shame.
My guilt.
My guilt and.
My guilt.
My guilt and my shame.
I feel like I’m Cliché Guevara fighting a civil cold war and my firearm is like a firework and it’s so entertaining for just everyone to watch me take myself down in this colorful, ridiculous, immature way.
Do you know what it’s like to come out to black parents?
Do you know what its like for your life to be everyone else’s problem?
Is there something we should know?
Is there sugar in your tank?
Put some bass in your voice and stand up straight.
Yes, I’m gay.
Morgan is a girl’s name anyway.
My guilt, my fear, my shame.
Take it all away.
I don’t care if you’re straight, just let me be me
And lately I’ve been feeling like an underdog barking up the wrong tree.
Feeling empty, a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Put my feeling aside and I’ve been lost for a while now.
|
Streaming and Download help
If you like Kaonashi, you may also like:
Bandcamp Daily your guide to the world of Bandcamp